The Dark Gallery was a fine dessert stop for my friends and me on a Monday night. We began like any other Singaporean would, trying free samples of ice cream flavours before finally settling on what we already knew we wanted from the beginning.

First up was Truffle Chocolate. Two ingredients that could hold their own thrown into the mix, they were gonna be the power couple of the dessert world. We learnt that evening that it requires the superior olfactory senses of pigs to snuff out truffles in the wild. Not here, no. One free sampling stick was all it took for our snouts to be knocked out by the truffle. We Jolie well should’ve known this “power couple” would never work out, what a Pitt-y.

Second was the 88% Dark Chocolate, the highest percentage of the lot. Seeing that 88 was an auspicious number, I had to eighty-ate some of that! Almost immediately, however, the rich dark chocolate and oaky flavour corrected my grammar— “eighty-EAT”, cos that stuff was in-tense. This flavour was really authentic though, taking me back to its origins, almost literally because the oak made sure I didn’t just taste cocoa but the cocoa tree as well. We could only afford two scoops and this didn’t convince us.

The two scoops we finally settled on were reminiscent of Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, the first time white settled on brown and it went well since the East India Company. Pure Vanilla was like that one girl who swears she isn’t like all the other girls... and turns out to be right. The Signature 80% Dark Chocolate, however, was the most impressive of them all. The Dark Gallery, in producing this masterpiece, probably had to first defecate in an elevator— cos they took that shit to a whole new level. Jokes aside, and pardoning my imagery, not many ice creams come close to that last scoop of ice cream! Just like our shameless British colonial masters after the war, I’ll be back!