You Wanna Pizza Me?

You Wanna Pizza Me?

Italian pies are impossible to mess up. I mean, I've never had a pizza that I didn't polish off with pleasure. These pizzas, however, are positively piquant.
Russell Leong
Russell Leong

This beautiful burrata & prosciutto pizza, the stellar salad I raved about yesterday, and a glass of mellow merlot for only $19.90++? Impossible. But not if you’re @wineconnectionsg! Yes, ludicrous lunch sets with a little vino to get you through the afternoon for a little over twenty bucks are the reality at Wine Connection’s bistro!

This piquant pizza pie has quite the intimidating girth, but it’s not even slightly surfeiting thanks to that tremendously thin crust. It’s almost uniformly crisp throughout, and it’s light enough to be a fuss free tenant in your tummy. While I would’ve appreciated more sauce on the pizza, I fully understand the decision to keep it light, as any more of the scintillating sauce might’ve tilted the scales and made it overkill.⠀

The burrata is sliced into delectable discs and really makes this pizza a perfect pie with its creamy, gooey chewiness & stringiness, and the meaty, salty slap from the palatable prosciutto strips which Wine Connection is rather generous with. It hits every possible flavour combo possible on your palate, plus it’s a cheesy, carb loaded disc of delectable deliciousness. What’s not to like?⠀

For this peerless pizza, a sterling salad, and a glass of majestic merlot to cost me less than twenty five dollars? This has been the best trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.

Today is the 21st of June? Looks like dining out’s back on the menu, boys! And yes, #burpplebeyond is back on the menu too! One of the odd(er) places that’s a Beyond merchant is @harryssingapore. Yes, the dive bar chain does have one-for-one promos for pizzas, pastas and their Asian food.⠀

Now, long gone are the days of pub grub that looks like something outta Chernobyl, and Harry’s has kept up with the times. Look at this Mushroom Flatbread Pizza, which normally sells for twenty four dollars before GST & service charge, but was absolutely free with the power of Burpple Beyond! The additional sausage I threw onto it is charged separately, of course. Totally worth it.⠀

You can never go wrong with pizzas, but when you pair that up with tall, cold pints of beautiful beer, you’ve got absolute boozy bliss. The salty, greasy, cheesy carbs are awesomely accentuated by the unctuous umami of the spectacular ‘shrooms. Slap your sausage on there, and it’s the absolute acme of bar bites. Harry’s plays to their (inebriated) customer base well, with simple yet supremely satisfying food such as this pizza to beat back the beer munchies. I will definitely be getting another pizza that, baby!

The pastas at @beerbasketkatong are covered by #burpplebeyond wonderful 1-for-1, and it’s absolute daylight robbery. Both of these plates of pasta are priced at eighteen dollars each, which means that with Burpple Beyond, you can get ‘em both for just…eighteen bucks. That’s right, it’s legalised robbery.⠀

I was certainly not expecting to be impressed by the pedestrian sounding Beef Meatballs Bolognese, but I was duly impressed. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one. The (hopefully) homemade meatballs are utterly spot on. The density is perfect, with the right amount of resistance, springiness & chew for maximum pleasure. The meatballs possess sublime seasoning, and they pair perfectly with the sweet & sour meaty bolognese sauce. I would personally prefer a thicker pasta, like a pappardelle for maximum bolognese mopping efficiency, but al dente linguine ain’t too bad.

So, once Lockdown 2: Electric Boogaloo is over, you must head on down to Beer Basket and rob them with your accomplice, Burpple Beyond. Once more, thanks for the hospitality, @beerbasketkatong & @burpple!

As for the Truffle Mushroom pizza ($22++), well, you can’t go wrong with truffles & mushrooms on melted cheese & truffle paste. The heady aroma of truffle pleasantly perfumes every slice of pizza, and while it might be simple in terms of ingredients, the combination of flavours is pitch perfect. Truly a worthy pizza of being washed down with a nice, chilly pint. And also that wonderful 1-for-1 with Burpple Beyond.

Thanks for hosting us, @burpple & @beerbasketkatong!

@beerbasketkatong #burpplebeyond one for one deal is valid for pastas and pizzas like this fine pair here. The pizza bases are all ten inch wide flatbreads which do crisp up oh so delightfully in the oven. There are a quartet of pizza options on the menu, and we got to try half of them.⠀

First and my favourite is undoubtedly the Smoked Duck pizza ($23++). While the slices of duck were too few to really provide full satisfaction, they still supplied the ample meaty, chewy satisfaction that only smoked duck can provide. The melted mozzarella cheese is absolutely delightful on the crispy, thin crust, and the hoisin sauce sparingly drizzled on top of the pizza turns it into a new twist on the classic, beloved Peking duck.

Thanks for hosting us, @burpple & @beerbasketkatong!

@yeastside.sg has recently launched their pizza range, and it’s perfection with the beers they got on tap. The current lineup consists of five pies, and I will never know what compelled me to order the Herbivore pizza ($19++) instead of a meatzza. Well, y’all get to witness this historic moment, where I go meatless for a meal. I swear you’ll never see anything like this ever again, so watch it, drink it in.⠀

Yes, that IS avocado on pizza. Yes, I’m perpetrating crimes against humanity upon the Italians. Geneva Conventions? I think you mean the Geneva Suggestions, fam. Hey, I wasn’t the architect of this atrocity, I merely ordered the pizza. Besides the abundance of avocado slices on the pizza, the Herbivore is loaded with all three different colours of capsicums, eggplants, garlic ricotta and the ol’ reliable: mozzarella. There seems to be a flavoured oil on the pizza, but it’s lost in the cacophony of veggies.⠀

Due to the pizza being topped with almost nothing but veg, it skews heavily towards the sweet end of flavours. The capsicums were incredibly sweet, the eggplant slightly less so, and the avocado was creamy but tasteless, so there wasn’t anything to check the onslaught of sweetness on the pie. A lot more salt is definitely required here to balance everything out, that’s for sure.⠀

The crust isn’t sourdough as I was expecting due to Yeast Side slinging out stellar sourdoughs. It’s a standard issue dough mix instead, but it’s still utterly unforgettable. The charred & chewy crust is perfect at providing that robust, satisfactory chew which aids in maximum satiation & satisfaction, and it holds the tomato paste & assorted cheeses up pretty well too. I easily polished this pie off solo, a true testament to the light airiness of the dough.⠀

With these exemplary new pizzas & possibly more to come, Yeast Side is firmly staking its claim to being Singapore’s best side.

Deep in the night I’m looking for some fun, deep in the night, I’m looking for some la...mala, that is. Sure, @happyendingpizza is pretty far from being the pioneer of pizza with mala on it, but they do it remarkably well. The Spicy Babe is twenty eight bucks for a mala-powered sauce base that has a smattering of minced beef, cherry tomatoes, mozzarella & parmesan cheese riding on top of it. All that jazz is drizzled with more Sichuan chili oil and the chili peppers themselves to make it super naughty, and damn it works a treat.

The mala is magnificently fragrant, with the pie being smelt well before it’s dealt. The spice level is essentially a 小辣, the second mildest spice setting which should please most pleasure hunters. While it would be nice for Happy Ending to ask you how hot & sweaty you want it, it’s not a dealbreaker right now. The minced beef was beefed up with the fragrant, numbing & slightly spicy mala oil, and the cheese blend was melted, majestic perfection.⠀

Mala on pizza sounds weird, but believe me when I say that this is an unexpected paring that works like a charm. Beef & mala is a tale as old as time, but add a stellar sourdough pizza crust and a medley of melted cheese into the numbing & spicy & salty mix, and you’ve got a feisty little firecracker that’s gonna ride your tongue till you go numb.⠀

For the final time (for now), thanks to @happyendingpizza for being our premier pleasure provider, and to @burpple for hooking us up!

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How good is @happyendingpizza, you ask? Well, they provide so much pleasure that even their crabs are in fashion. The Holy Crab! is $28++ per pop, but holy crab indeed. Yes, I know chili crab pizzas are older than my goddamn alcoholism, but this one is a surefire seductress. And I have the sample size to prove my claims, believe me.

When Happy Ending said that their sterling sourdough pizza base was topped with SUCCulent crabmeat, they weren’t kidding. Ya see all that white stuff on her? That’s right fellas, that’s all authentic crabmeat! Granted, I couldn’t taste the sweetness that’s a hallmark of a fresh crustacean, but that’s mainly due to the captivating chili crab sauce. It trends more towards salty, spicy & sour than the usually sweet & salty chili crab sauce Singaporeans are used to, but it works wonders when paired with the charmingly chewy pizza dough. Some chili padis are on deck to spice things up a little more for the lads & ladies who like it extra painful, and the sharp red onions are there to whip the orgy back into order when any of the participants get out of line.

Speaking about the pizza dough, the main reason why Happy Ending is called...well, what it is, is because of the saucy dips that you can get for a little extra sumn’ sumn’. Needless to say, our lube of choice that night was the chili crab dip. It’s basically the same sauce that’s on the pizza, but taking the otherwise plain crust & spicing it up? Oh yeah, that’s the spot. For about thirty three bucks with the dip, this is pie is an orgasmic sensation that has to be achieved to be believed.

Better yet, round up your pals who like it saucy & spicy, head on down and use that sweet, sweet thirty percent(!) off your total bill that only #burpplebeyond can pleasure you with. Bang for your buck indeed. I will definitely come again, @happyendingpizza. And thanks to @burpple for hooking me up!

Pleasure without meat? Improbable. Inconceivable. But not entirely implausible, as the pleasure parlour known as @happyendingpizza does a duo of meatless pizzas that will provide pleasure to our veggie friends out there.⠀

The second pizza are what sweet dreams are made of. The Sweet Dreams ($26++) is Happy Ending’s version of the classic four cheese pizza, but this one serves as a dessert pizza as well. That’s right, there’s honey on this pizza. However, there isn’t enough of it to alter the flavour profile of the cheese mix of mozzarella, blue cheese, parmesan & ricotta, and it’s just a mildly sweet cheese pie. There’s a fair bit of room for improvement here, and I hope that @happyendingpizza makes the necessary improvements for a pleasant climax to this.⠀

Thanks for being our pleasure provider for the night, @happyendingpizza, and to @burpple for being the best wingman!

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Pleasure without meat? Improbable. Inconceivable. But not entirely implausible, as the pleasure parlour known as @happyendingpizza does a duo of meatless pizzas that will provide pleasure to our veggie friends out there.⠀

First up is the truffled Mushroom Madness. Twenty seven bucks gets you ten to eleven inches of stretchy, carby sourdough that’s capped by three different mushrooms. These mushroom heads don’t explode, but they are still piquantly pleasurable. Cheese, mushroom and carbs? Especially when said carbs are as sumptuous as Happy Ending’s special sourdough crust? Yep, impossible to go wrong.

Thanks for being our pleasure provider for the night, @happyendingpizza, and to @burpple for being the best wingman!

@happyendingpizza is a pleasure parlour of the pizza variety, and it’s been unofficially opened for a while now as they work on their techniques to peak your pleasure. Their menu is pretty much set in stone, and if that’s the case, their brilliant Beastmeister pizza ($30++) is the very satisfying climax of their menu.⠀

Ten inches in length, this well oiled pizza is a meaty sausage fest. Pepperoni slices cohabit the fluffy pizza bed with garlic herbed sausage, giving you a fair amount of meat to stuff into your mouth. As we’re all well aware, meat gives pleasure, and more meat equals more pleasure. Oh, what about the tomato purée that is lathered onto the charmingly chewy & charred sourdough base, you ask? That sapid sauce flavours & lubricates all that mouthwatering meat for deep penetration into your guts. Oh yeah, it’s gonna be pounding down your core all night, no lie.

Yeah, it’s fair to say that this particular menu option will result in messy, finger licking good happy endings. Thanks for pleasuring us in your den of depravity, @happyendingpizza! And thanks to @burpple for hooking a brother up!

@peperonipizzeria is probably my go to pizza place right now. Their pizza crusts are simply stellar, and their toppings are topnotch. Better yet, they’re actually amazingly affordable too. Don’t believe me? Well, the prosecution would like to present the evidence here.⠀

This, your honour, is a twelve inch half & half ‘Speciale’ pizza that’s priced at $30++. That’s right, it’s a premium pizza, and the Burrata & Prosciutto toppings share the perfect pizza crust that’s lovingly slathered with tangy tomato sauce with the Carne option. The Carne, as you may have guessed, is Peperoni’s twist on the timeless meat lovers’ pizza, and the Carne has pork meatballs, bacon & pepperoni on top of a luscious layer of melted mozzarella cheese. Marvellous meat, magnificent mozzarella, and titillating tomato sauce on top of a tremendous thin crust pie is always a flawless win, and Peperoni comes through with the gargantuan W.⠀

As for the burrata & prosciutto...dude, do I really need to elucidate this any further? The same sublime sauce & melted mozza base now houses confit tomatoes, a generous helping of salty, piquant Parma ham, and colossal chunks of beautiful burrata. It’s creamy, cheesy, tangy, salty, and utterly umami, and that crisp dough base is the cherry on (or below in this case) the cake.⠀

None y’all gonna get a pizza this. I ain’t sharing, these peerless pies are way too transcendent to be shared. Get your own & leave me alone.⠀

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Alcohol may not be good for my body, but my body is good for alcohol.

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