Never Return

I got a bigger surprise after a successful request for a swap where they strongly pushed for their 𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗮-𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗮 ($27). Let's forget the fact that it's a Hawaiian Pizza, I'm not a purist — the underlying problem here was much worse, it was with the lifeblood of pizza, the dough. When it's this flat, dense, and tediously chewy, it probably has about as many redeeming qualities as a Hawaiian Pizza bun from any random neighbourhood bakery. Simply a disaster class and I've got photographic evidence of how abysmal the dough is too.

I was informed by the front of house that the kitchen acknowledged both issues but the cooks' best measured response was "we don't know why it's like that either." That's without so much as taking a peek at the crust for themselves or to ask and understand more. I'd also been told by friends I was a victim of inconsistency, a recurring issue here. Alas, this level of outrageously undisciplined quality control is plain unacceptable for a place charging $30 a pop for pizza. It's not easy to draw out my inner Karen but the combination of atrocious dough and insipid hospitality left a horrid taste in my mouth.

IG: @indulgentism
Read more at https://www.indulgentism.com/food-reviews/santis-pizza/

The hottest new artisan pizza parlour where they've gotten rave reviews on social media, who are opened by a veteran brunch cafe at Telok Ayer, and have an imposing oven glowing fiery red in one corner. This has all the makings for a great pizza joint, right? Wrong. Dead wrong.

Despite falling for the initial hype, they'd turned out to be my 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭. My original order of 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗱 𝗠𝗲 ($30) turned out to hurt my tastebuds with copiously odious whiffs of lamb game. Sure, lamb is a tricky protein but this was an amateur attempt where the meat was still calling out for Mary.

IG: @indulgentism
Read more at https://www.indulgentism.com/food-reviews/santis-pizza/

Although Yan Ji is widely raved for their seafood soup, I tasted nothing but disappointment. Saltier than a boomer in a CPF building and packed with less nuance than a YP hitting on a XMM. You know what else is salty and tactless? @indulgentism, after foolishly paying $11 for their seafood soup. 🤡
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Only partially filled but costing $11 — surely that's confidence in their quality. Alas other than the decent seafood and luscious meatballs, it had few redeeming qualities. This was my second visit and it went from underwhelming to a standard even food court Japanese miso soups daren't dream of.
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On the bright side, this was a very heartwarming bowl of soup — because it made me realize whilst I'm trash I would never be this level of hot garbage. Much needed comfort during these times. 🥰🙌🏻

IG: @indulgentism
More food reviews on indulgentism.com

You can see how displeased I am when I don't even bother editing my photo. This is the third time I tried them, and even with the 3 for $7 promo I still feel like I got shortchanged.

The cookie was so soggy, limp and devoid of any semblance of gooeyness from a filling miserliness worse than the Grinch.

My home made cookies were better first try. If you can't even meet the standards of home bakers, you really don't deserve any business.

Just what the doctor ordered — radioactive waste to kill myself. Just kidding! Ajisen is slightly more potent. 🙃

Other than decent noodle texture, everything else 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗼𝗰𝗿𝗲 — quite deafeningly too. Broth defines ramen but theirs was 𝗯𝗲𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗮𝗹𝘁𝘆 and lacked appropriate richness for its level of salinity. I'd even given them three chances. Maybe it's masochism or a longing for death, who knows?

Price is the only saving grace, but honestly quite persuasive. For your budget ramen cravings, better this than Ajisen. Though I'd rather eat ban mian.

IG: @indulgentism

Everyone knows the #michelin star bak chor mee at Lavender. This Hong Lim stall is a completely seperate entity run by the nephew, and doesn't have a Star, just Bib Gourmand award.

It's a nice bowl of 𝗯𝗮𝗸 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲𝗲 ($6/8/10). Mee kia sported a sprightly bouncy bite and was coated heartily with chili and piquant vinegar.
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Alas, my second visit here left me further disappointed, mainly from the meat components. Lavender stall was flawless — I still dream of the unbelievably bouncy non-powdery liver.

Here — decidedly pedestrian. Even the sole fish was alarmingly chewy and not crispy. Still maybe a solid 6.5, but 6.5s don't deserve Bib Gourmand awards. Not mincing my words, cos one pile of minced disappointment is enough. 🙅🏻‍♂️

IG: @indulgentism

So there's scammer impersonating me on Instagram. But you know the bigger scam? Tian Tian's reputation as one of the best chicken rice — forgettable even with low expectations.
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Chili sauce was unnecessarily spicy and added little dimension, chicken was fine though slightly tough, but at least the rice was decently fragrant if a bit greasy.
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Still, I'm left thinking how they garnered their fame — at least to their credit, I'd concede it's the best plate of downstairs-kopitiam-standard chicken rice I've had, but also exists downstairs of any top hawker lists I have.
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📍 1 Kadayanallur St, #01-10/11 Maxwell Food Centre, Singapore 069184
⏱️ (Tues-Sun) 10am-7.30pm

Reviews were really good for this legendary 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗽𝗼𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝘂 𝗳𝗲𝗻 (RM13). But standards have probably dropped — not bad, but a big disappointment from my KL trip.
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The good: Noodles were well cooked, with a tantalising silkiness and bouncy plump bite — they slithered down my throat gracefully and effortlessly. A good amount of wok hei was worked into those little squiggles of rice flour as well.
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The bad: sauce somewhat lacked flavour, and predominantly just carried salty notes. That said, adding their blend of green and red chilli helped to cut through the dull monotony of the dish with a bright spark of piquancy and heat. Honestly pretty decent, just felt lacking in robustness of flavour, which I'd expected from this establishment. (Don't even get me started on their salt mine of an omelette)
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📍 Chinatown area — 52, Jalan Sultan, City Centre, 50000 Kuala Lumpur
⏱️ (Daily) 12pm-4am

I am absolutely infatuated with hokkien mee and had high hopes because of its award. However, it felt lacking compared to the other Bib Gourmand hokkien mee, which was stunning.
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While lacking wok hei, this plate of 𝗵𝗼𝗸𝗸𝗶𝗲𝗻 𝗺𝗲𝗲 ($4) still contained a decent amount of flavour but honestly as a whole, it felt pretty bland to me — though the chili and lime helped salvage the flatness somewhat. But even the chili, an important aspect of hokkien mee, felt a bit pedestrian. That's coming from someone who prefers Tiong Bahru Yi Sheng's supposedly more subdued flavours (but insanely good chili) over something more intense like Tian Tian Lai.
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I would say the texture was marvelous though. A slightly wetter type but not too wet, where the noodles felt perfectly moist while retaining a good bite and springiness. Maybe it's an issue of consistency (I've seen reviews about it being super flavourful), but it's a pity the flavours didn't do justice to the great frying, which it truly deserved.
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📍𝗧𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗕𝗮𝗵𝗿𝘂 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲𝘁 𝗛𝗮𝘄𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗖𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲, 𝟯𝟬 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗼𝗵 𝗥𝗱, #𝟬𝟮-𝟬𝟭, 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝟭𝟲𝟴𝟴𝟵𝟴
⏱️ (Tues-Sun) 11am-7pm, closed on Mondays

I wasn't impressed with the sandwich-makers' recently-launched $10 burger for weekday dinners, considering it's a challenger to Meatsmith's legendary Tuesday $10 cheeseburger. I only have lofty expectations for PBD, but this 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗿 ($10) truly made me relate to the disappointment my parents feel towards me.
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First, the bun was soggy and squished up (à la Burger King) which is a fatal flaw for any burger. The patty was well grilled but I found them too heavy-handed with flavours, which led to a jarringly salty and peppery profile. Alas, little alleviation was available from the onions' sharpness as it was weirdly scant.
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Overall, the flavours felt tedious even for a small-ish burger. Maybe it's just not my thing or an off-day since I've seen good reviews, so try it out yourself. I'm personally not gonna return for it, especially when their sandwiches are better and more filling for a few more bucks. This just ain't it, doc. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝘂𝘆𝘀!
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[𝙏𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙠 𝘼𝙮𝙚𝙧] 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝘽𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙝 𝘿𝙚𝙡𝙞
📍 𝟭𝟳𝟵 𝗧𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗸 𝗔𝘆𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝘁, 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝟬𝟲𝟴𝟲𝟮𝟳
⏱️ (Weekdays) Lunch 7.30am-4pm, Dinner 5pm-9pm; (Weekends) 9am-3pm